the word stamped on my hand last night at the bar was “pervert” & it was suggested (lovingly) that it suited me & I should have it tattooed
breaking
We were on the soft rug in the living room; she was sitting on my back. She’d never done anything like this on film before. I told her not to worry about it, that we’d work with her comfort level and only do the things that she was comfortable with.
She straddles me, hovering over me slightly, looking back over her shoulder, down at my face as she asks me questions. I answer each of them honestly, but she is looking for a specific response and she bats me back and forth (physically and verbally) to get it from me.
We work well together as she gauges my tolerance for pain. There will be marks left in sensitive places for a few days after we’ve filmed, which just means that we’ve done things authentically and to me means that I’ve challenged myself and proven that I can endure more than the last time and not less.
I’m not submissive in nature. I’m soft-spoken, which people sometimes mistake as being submissive, but it’s hardly the same. I’ve been in nearly nine hundred scenes serving dominant women and even in my personal life I’ve allowed people to test me when they’ve thought they could break me, but in reality I’ve never in my life submitted to anyone. I know what’s expected of a submissive and I can play the role well, but following an order and submitting aren’t the same thing. The women that I’ve worked with have left marks, welts, bruises and even drawn blood once or twice, but breaking the skin isn’t the same as breaking the person.
I arch my back, lift myself off the ground and she rests her feet across my bent body. “Where do you belong?”, she asks and I tell her that I belong beneath her feet. It’s not humiliating, it’s not degrading, it’s none of the things you might expect it to be after I’ve prefaced the moment with the paragraph above. It doesn’t bruise my ego to serve a beautiful woman, it doesn’t make me feel inferior to do as she commands.
This surprises people who’ve seen my work, who assume that I must enjoy what I do in order to endure it and my answer to them is that, yes, i do enjoy it, but not for the reasons that they probably imagined.
went to a midnight Burlesque show with a live jazz band last night. I love this city.
Nina Simone’s “Black is the color of my true loves hair” stuck in my head & can’t remember who I was supposed to send the Jaffa remix to.
RT @apneatic: http://ctr.lv/ob7pTr it was sooo freezing in these woods
I’ve admitted to being a fan of cold weather fashion on women. Maybe it’s the line of work that I’m in, but it’s easy to get my attention by being dressed the right way and there is something about cold weather clothing that I find so very appealing, so different, so much more like an effort has been made than something obvious and revealing.
I could see my breath, curling in the cold in front of my face as I sat on the bench on Connecticut ave. I watched a girl in a bright red coat walk past and I thought of Nina Simone. I saw a girl in white and black and I thought of Billie Holiday. I listened to Frank Sinatra and Eartha Kitt on my headphones as one beautiful, shining example after another of what appeals to me passed by.
winter wonder (Via Ryan St. Germain)
RT @TrishaUptown: Check out this hot pic of me, @shylove @Moniquealexande @brandyaniston @myaluanna @fayreagen @laceylove http://yfrog …
RT @satinephoenix: Please pass the word along about my new blog/random info site - http://sexfoodandcomicbooks :)
new blog Post Winter Wonder: http://ryanstgermain.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/winter-wonder/